123Favorites.com - Jokes

There once was a baby elephant and a baby turtle drinking from a river deep in the jungle. For no reason, the turtle reaches over and bites the elephant’s tail, really hard.
Years and years later, the same elephant, now grown up, is by the same river, having a drink with his giraffe buddy, when the […]

A dog thinks: Hey, these people I live with feed me, love me, provide me with a nice warm, dry house, pet me, and take good care of me…
They must be gods!
A cat thinks: Hey, these people I live with feed me, love me, provide me with a nice warm, dry house, pet me, and […]

This guy wakes up one morning to find a gorilla in his tree. He looks in the phone book for a gorilla removal service until he finds one.
“Is it a boy or girl Gorilla?” the service guy asks. “Boy,” is the man’s response. “Oh yeah, I can do it. I’ll be right there,” says the […]

A golf pro was helping this attractive young woman with her swing when his zipper got caught in the rhinestones on the back of her skirt.
Needless to say this was embarrassing to both of them since their relationship had been purely platonic.
They decided to walk together in this lock-step back to the clubhouse where certainly […]

A guy is having marital problems. He and the wife are not communicating at all and he’s lonesome so he goes to a pet store
thinking a pet might help. The store he happened to walk into specialized in parrots.
As he wanders down the rows of parrots he notices one with no feet.
Surprised he mutters “I […]

A little girl was out with her Grandmother when they came across a couple of dogs mating on the sidewalk.
“What are they doing, Grandma?” asked the little girl.
The grandmother was embarrased, so she said, “The dog on top has hurt his paw, and the one underneath is carrying him to the doctor.”
They’re just like people, […]

A police officer came upon a terrible wreck where the driver and passenger had been killed. As he looked upon the wreckage a
little monkey came out of the brush and hopped around the crashed car. The officer looked down at the monkey and said “I
wish you could talk.”
The monkey looked up at the officer and […]

A lady goes to her parish priest one day and tells him, “Father,
I have a problem. I have two female parrots but they only know
how to say one thing.” “What do they say?” the priest inquired.
“They say, ‘Hi, we’re prostitutes. Do you want to have some
fun?” “That’s obscene!” the priest exclaimed, “I can see why […]

Three dogs are sitting in the waiting room of a vets office. One is a poodle, one is a schnauzer and the other is a great Dane.
The poodle turns to the schnauzer and asks “why are you here?”
The schnauzer responds, “I’m 17 years old. I don’t see or hear very well. I’ve been having accidents […]

A dog walks into a butcher shop with a purse strapped around his neck. He walks up to the meat case and calmly sits there until it’s his turn to be waited on.
A man, who was already in the butcher shop, finished his purchase and noticed the dog. The butcher leaned over the counter and […]