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Naughty Jokes - Man and his Camel

admin — Sun, 20 Apr 2008 13:24:03 +0000

There was a guy riding through the desert on his camel. He had been travelling so long that he felt the need to have sex. Obviously there were no women in the desert so the man turned to his camel.
He tried to position himself to his camel but the camel ran away. The man ran to catch up to the camel and got back on and started to ride again. Soon he was feeling the urge to have it again so once again he turned to his camel. The camel refused by running away. So he caught up to it again and go on it again.
Finally after riding the camel through the whole desert the man came to a road. There was a broken down car with three busty beautiful blondes sitting in it.
He went up to them and asked the women if they needed any help.
The hottest girl said ,”If you fix our car we will do anything you want.”
The man luckily knew a thing or two about cars and fixed it in a flash.
When he finished are three girls asked, “How could we ever repay you Mr.”
After thinking for a short while he replied,”Could you hold my camel?”

Naughty Jokes - Making of a Adult Movie

admin — Sun, 20 Apr 2008 13:10:28 +0000

A pianist was hired to play background music for a movie. When it was completed he asked when and where he could see the picture. The producer sheepishly confessed that it was actually a porno film and it was due out in a month.
A month later, the musician went to a porno theatre to see it. With his collar up and dark glasses on, he took a seat in the back row, next to a couple who also seemed to be in disguise.
The movie was even raunchier than he had feared, featuring group sex, S/M and even a dog.
After a while, the embarrassed pianist turned to the couple and said, “I’m only here to listen to the music.”
“Yeah?” replied the man. “We’re only here to see our dog.”

Naughty Jokes - Stupid Man

admin — Sun, 20 Apr 2008 12:45:37 +0000

A man decided to have a face lift for his birthday. He spends $5,000 and feels really good about the result. On his way home he stops at a newsstand and buys a paper.
Before leaving he says to the sales clerk, “I hope you don’t mind me asking, but how old do you think I am?”
“About 35,” was the reply.
“I’m actually 47,” the man says happily.
A little while later he goes to McDonald’s for lunch and asks the order taker the same question, to which the reply is, “I’d guess that you’re 29?”
“Nope, I am actually 47.” He’s starting to feel really good about himself.
While standing at the bus stop he asks an old woman the same question.
She replies, “I am 85 years old and my eyesight is going. But when I was young there was a sure way of telling a man’s age. If I put my hand down your pants and play with your tom-tom for ten minutes I will be able to tell your exact age.”
As there was no one else around the man thought what the hell and let her slip her hand down his pants.
Ten minutes later the old lady says, “OK, it’s done. You are 47,”
Stunned the man says, “That was brilliant! How did you do that?”
The old lady replies, “I was behind you in McDonald’s”.

Naughty Jokes - Waiting for someone..

admin — Sun, 20 Apr 2008 12:43:32 +0000

A woman walks into a drugstore and asks the pharmacist if he sells size extra large condoms.
He replies, “Yes we do. Would you like to buy some?”
She responds, “No, but do you mind if I wait around here until someone does?

Quick Jokes - Three Magical Words

admin — Sun, 20 Apr 2008 12:41:10 +0000

Q: What are three words you dread the most while making love?

A: “Honey, I’m home.”

Blonde Jokes

admin — Mon, 14 Apr 2008 17:16:45 +0000

What do a blonde and a screen door have in common? The more you bang them the looser they get.

What is the difference in between a blonde and a brick? The brick only gets layed once.

What do a blonde and spaghetti have in common? The more you eat them the more they wiggle.

Blonde at a Pharmacy

admin — Mon, 14 Apr 2008 15:44:44 +0000

At a pharmacy, a blonde asked to use the infant scale to weigh the baby she held in her arms.

The clerk explained that the device was out for repairs, but said that she would figure the infant’s weight by weighing the woman and baby together on the adult scale, then weighing the mother alone and subtracting the second amount from the first.

“That won’t work,” countered the woman. “I’m not the mother, I’m the aunt.”

Passover Jokes - This classic is attributed to George Burns

admin — Tue, 08 Apr 2008 20:21:28 +0000

During one of my many trips to London, I became friends with a
very wealthy, yet very modest, Jewish chap named Hyman Goldfarb.
On one visit, Hy told me that because of his large donations to
charities through the years, the queen wanted to knight him, but
he was going to turn it down.

“That’s a great honor,” I said. “Why would you turn it down?”

“Because during the ceremony you have to say something in
Latin,” he said. “And I don’t wish to bother studying
Latin just for that.”

“So say something in Hebrew. The queen wouldn’t know
the difference.”

“Brilliant,” Hy complimented me, “but what should I say?”

“Remember that question the son asks the father on the
first night of Passover? … Can you say that in Hebrew?”

“Of course,” he said. “Ma nishtana ha leila hazeh.
Thank you, old sport, I shall become a knight.”

At the ceremony Hy waited his turn while several of the other
honorees went before the queen. Finally they called his name.
He knelt before Her Majesty, she placed her sword on one shoulder
and then on the other, and motioned for Hy to speak.

Out came “Ma nishtana ha leila hazeh.”

The queen turned to her husband and said, “Why is this knight
different from all other knights?”

(For those unfamiliar with the holidays or customs, the traditional
question that he asked “Ma Nirvana ha lei la haze,” asks the age
old question “Why is this NIGHT different than any other NIGHT”)

Top Passover Pickup Lines

admin — Tue, 08 Apr 2008 20:19:18 +0000

* Let’s make this night really different from all others nights.
* Want to wander through my desert?
* I’ve got a Ramses in my pockets, and I’m glad to see you
* Wanna look for MY afikomen?

Passover Jokes - The Lunch

admin — Tue, 08 Apr 2008 20:18:37 +0000

A Jewish man took his Passover lunch to eat outside in the park.
He sat down on a bench and began eating. Since Jews do not eat
leavened bread during the eight day holiday, he was eating Matzoh,
a flat crunchy unleavened bread that has dozens of perforations.

A little while later a blind man came by and sat down next to him.
Feeling neighborly, the Jewish man passed a sheet of matzo to the
blind man.

The blind man handled the matzo for a few minutes, looked puzzled,
and finally exclaimed, “Who wrote this crap?”