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Tom had this problem of getting up late in the morning and was always late for work. His boss was mad at him and threatened
to fire him if he didn’t do something about it. So Tom went to is doctor who gave him a pill and told him to take it before he
went to bed. Tom slept well and in fact beat, the alarm in the orning. He had a leisurely breakfast and drove cheerfully to
work. “Boss”, he said, “The pill actually worked!”

“That’s all fine” said the boss, “But where were you yesterday?”

The hotel Astor had hired a new bus driver and instructed him to meet all incoming trains and announce at the depot in a very
loud voice, “Free bus to the hotel Astor!” On the way to the station on his first trip her kept repeating to himself, “Free bus
to the hotel Astor, Free bus to the hotel Astor,” until he memorized it letter perfect.

Upon his arrival at the station, however, he became confused at all the noise and hub bub and started shouting as follows.
“Free hotel at the bust your Astor, I mean, Free ass at the Hotel Bastard, I mean, Freeze your ass at the Hotel Buster, I
mean Squeeze your bust at the Hotel Faster, I mean, Bust your ass at the Hotel Freezer, Oh shit…take a cab.”

Why I Fired My Secretary

I woke up early, feeling depressed because it was my birthday, and I thought,
“I’m another year older,” but decided to make the best of it. So I showered and
shaved, knowing when I went down to breakfast my wife would greet me with a big
kiss and say, “Happy birthday, dear.” All smiles, I went in to breakfast, and
there sat my wife, reading her newspaper, as usual. She didn’t say one word. So
I got myself a cup of coffee, made some toast and thought to myself, “Oh well,
she forgot. The kids will be down in a few minutes, smiling and happy, and they
will sing ‘Happy Birthday’ and have a nice gift for me.” There I sat, enjoying
my coffee, and I waited. Finally, the kids came running into the kitchen,
yelling, “Give me a slice of toast! I’m late! Where is my coat? I’m going to
miss the bus!” Feeling more depressed than ever, I left for the office.

When I walked into the office, my secretary greeted me with a great big smile
and a cheerful “Happy birthday, boss.” She then asked if she could get me some
coffee. Her remembering my birthday made me feel a whole lot better.

Later in the morning, my secretary knocked on my office door and said, “Since
it’s your birthday, why don’t we have lunch together?” Thinking it would make
me feel better, I said, “That’s a good idea.” So we locked up the office, and
since it was my birthday, I said, “Why don’t we drive out of town and have
lunch in the country instead of going to the usual place?” So we drove out of
town and went to a little out-of-the-way inn and had a couple of martinis and a
nice lunch. We started driving back to town, when my secretary said, “Why don’t
we go to my place, and I will fix you another martini.” It sounded like a good
idea, since we didn’t have much to do in the office. So we went to her
apartment, and she fixed us some martinis. After a while, she said, “If you
will excuse me, I think I will slip into something more comfortable,” and she
left the room.

In a few minutes, she opened her bedroom door and came out carrying a big
birthday cake. Following her were my wife and all my kids. And there I sat with
nothing on but my socks.

Like a lot of young women these days, one of our secretaries had
worked long and hard to put her boyfriend through college. After he
graduated and passed his bar exam, I asked her if they planned to be
married soon.

She looked at me with a big smile and said, “Oh no! Not right away. I
want him to practice for at least six months first.”

Returning from her vacation, the young secretary was telling anyone
who would listen about what a fun time she had. She then asked for two
weeks leave in which to get married.

“But you just had two weeks off,” said the boss. “Why didn’t you get
married then ?”

“What and ruin my vacation ?” she whined.

A well respected Doctor and his wife were having drinks in the lobby of the theater during the opening nite of a musical during
intermission. A blonde shimmied by that had to have had what there was of her evening gown spray painted on her curvy body.
She smiled and gushed, “Well, hello there Doc.” and kept right on going.

After a moment’s pause, the good doctor looked at his wife and said, “Don’t worry dear, that’s just a young lady I know
professionally.”

Without missing a beat, his wife asked, “Hers or Yours ?”

A young man went to his father one day to tell him that  he wanted to get married.
His father was happy for him. He asked his  son who the girl was, and he told him that it was Samantha a girl from the  neighborhood.

With a sad face the old man said to his son, ‘I’m sorry to  say this son but I have to.
The girl you want to marry is your sister,  but please don’t tell your mother.’

The young man again brought 3  more names to his father but ended up frustrated cause the response was  still the same.

So he decides to go to his mother. ‘Mama I want to get  married but all the girls that I love, dad said they are my sisters  and I mustn’t tell you.’

His mother smiling said to him, ‘Don’t worry my  son, you can marry any of those girls. You’re not his son  !!’

Q: How many blondes does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

A: Two, one to hold the light bulb and one to spin the ladder around!

A blonde was speeding on the highway when a police car pulled her over.

The policeman walks up to the blonde and says “Excuse m’am, could I please see your driving license and registration.”

The blonde looks at the policeman angrily and says “I wish you guys would get your act together. Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to show it to you!”

A blonde went to buy a Pizza and after ordering, the assistant asked the blonde if she would like her pizza cut into six pieces or twelve.

“Six please” she said, “I could never eat twelve!”