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Naughty Jokes - Man and his Camel

admin — Sun, 20 Apr 2008 13:24:03 +0000

There was a guy riding through the desert on his camel. He had been travelling so long that he felt the need to have sex. Obviously there were no women in the desert so the man turned to his camel.
He tried to position himself to his camel but the camel ran away. The man ran to catch up to the camel and got back on and started to ride again. Soon he was feeling the urge to have it again so once again he turned to his camel. The camel refused by running away. So he caught up to it again and go on it again.
Finally after riding the camel through the whole desert the man came to a road. There was a broken down car with three busty beautiful blondes sitting in it.
He went up to them and asked the women if they needed any help.
The hottest girl said ,”If you fix our car we will do anything you want.”
The man luckily knew a thing or two about cars and fixed it in a flash.
When he finished are three girls asked, “How could we ever repay you Mr.”
After thinking for a short while he replied,”Could you hold my camel?”

Naughty Jokes - Postman’s Retirement

admin — Sun, 20 Apr 2008 13:20:44 +0000

It was the mailman’s last day on the job after 35 years of carrying the mail through all kinds of weather to the same neighbourhood.
When he arrived at the first house on his route he was greeted by the whole family there, who congratulated him and sent him on his way with a big gift envelope.
At the second house they presented him with a box of fine cigars. The folks at the third house handed him a selection of terrific fishing lures.
At the fourth house he was met at the door by a strikingly beautiful woman in a revealing negligee. She took him by the hand, gently led him through the door, and led him up the stairs to the bedroom where she blew his mind with the most passionate love he had ever experienced.
When he had had enough they went downstairs, where she fixed him a giant breakfast: eggs, potatoes, ham, sausage, blueberry waffles, and fresh-squeezed orange juice. When he was truly satisfied she poured him a cup of steaming coffee.
As she was pouring, he noticed a dollar bill sticking out from under the cup’s bottom edge. “All this was just too wonderful for words,” he said, “but what’s the dollar for?”
“Well,” she said, “last night, I told my husband that today would be your last day, and that we should do something special for you. I asked him what to give you.”
He said, “Fuck him, give him a dollar.”
The lady then said, “The breakfast was my idea.”

Naughty Jokes - Making of a Adult Movie

admin — Sun, 20 Apr 2008 13:10:28 +0000

A pianist was hired to play background music for a movie. When it was completed he asked when and where he could see the picture. The producer sheepishly confessed that it was actually a porno film and it was due out in a month.
A month later, the musician went to a porno theatre to see it. With his collar up and dark glasses on, he took a seat in the back row, next to a couple who also seemed to be in disguise.
The movie was even raunchier than he had feared, featuring group sex, S/M and even a dog.
After a while, the embarrassed pianist turned to the couple and said, “I’m only here to listen to the music.”
“Yeah?” replied the man. “We’re only here to see our dog.”

Naughty Jokes - Stupid Man

admin — Sun, 20 Apr 2008 12:45:37 +0000

A man decided to have a face lift for his birthday. He spends $5,000 and feels really good about the result. On his way home he stops at a newsstand and buys a paper.
Before leaving he says to the sales clerk, “I hope you don’t mind me asking, but how old do you think I am?”
“About 35,” was the reply.
“I’m actually 47,” the man says happily.
A little while later he goes to McDonald’s for lunch and asks the order taker the same question, to which the reply is, “I’d guess that you’re 29?”
“Nope, I am actually 47.” He’s starting to feel really good about himself.
While standing at the bus stop he asks an old woman the same question.
She replies, “I am 85 years old and my eyesight is going. But when I was young there was a sure way of telling a man’s age. If I put my hand down your pants and play with your tom-tom for ten minutes I will be able to tell your exact age.”
As there was no one else around the man thought what the hell and let her slip her hand down his pants.
Ten minutes later the old lady says, “OK, it’s done. You are 47,”
Stunned the man says, “That was brilliant! How did you do that?”
The old lady replies, “I was behind you in McDonald’s”.

Naughty Jokes - Waiting for someone..

admin — Sun, 20 Apr 2008 12:43:32 +0000

A woman walks into a drugstore and asks the pharmacist if he sells size extra large condoms.
He replies, “Yes we do. Would you like to buy some?”
She responds, “No, but do you mind if I wait around here until someone does?

Quick Jokes - Three Magical Words

admin — Sun, 20 Apr 2008 12:41:10 +0000

Q: What are three words you dread the most while making love?

A: “Honey, I’m home.”

Blonde at a Pharmacy

admin — Mon, 14 Apr 2008 15:44:44 +0000

At a pharmacy, a blonde asked to use the infant scale to weigh the baby she held in her arms.

The clerk explained that the device was out for repairs, but said that she would figure the infant’s weight by weighing the woman and baby together on the adult scale, then weighing the mother alone and subtracting the second amount from the first.

“That won’t work,” countered the woman. “I’m not the mother, I’m the aunt.”

Naughty Jokes - The Confession

admin — Thu, 03 Apr 2008 16:22:16 +0000

A young man went to his father one day to tell him that he wanted to get married.
His father was happy for him. He asked his son who the girl was, and he told him that it was Samantha a girl from the neighborhood.

With a sad face the old man said to his son, ‘I’m sorry to say this son but I have to.
The girl you want to marry is your sister, but please don’t tell your mother.’

The young man again brought 3 more names to his father but ended up frustrated cause the response was still the same.

So he decides to go to his mother. ‘Mama I want to get married but all the girls that I love, dad said they are my sisters and I mustn’t tell you.’

His mother smiling said to him, ‘Don’t worry my son, you can marry any of those girls. You’re not his son !!’

Heaven and Hell

admin — Sat, 15 Mar 2008 18:58:14 +0000

John and Bob were inseparable childhood friends. One night, they both died in a terrible car accident.
When John woke up in heaven, he began to search for Bob but could not find him anywhere. Very distraught, he ran to St. Peter and said, “St. Peter, I know Bob was killed in that accident with me, but I can’t find him!”

St. Peter said, “My son, I am sorry to tell you Bob didn’t make it to Heaven.”

This upset John so much that St. Peter agreed to let him see Bob one more time. St. Peter parted the clouds and John saw Bob sitting in hell with a keg on one side and a beautiful buxom blonde on the other.

John looked at St. Peter skeptically and said, “Are you sure I’m in the right place?”

“My son,” St. Peter said, “looks can be deceiving. You see that keg of beer? It has a hole in it. You see that woman? She doesn’t!”

Office Jokes - Boss at a Motel

admin — Sat, 15 Mar 2008 18:56:13 +0000

A man and his secretary are having an affair, so one afternoon they get a motel room and have strenuous sex. He’s not used to the pace, so he falls asleep afterwards and doesn’t wake up until about 8:30 that night, at which time he realizes it’s late and that he has to get home.
He says to his secretary, “Quick! While I get dressed, you take my shoes outside and drag them around through the grass and mud.” Puzzled, the secretary complies. When the man gets home about 9:30 his wife confronts him and asks him where he’s been. The man says, “I cannot lie to you. I spent the better part of the day doing my secretary in a motel room, then I fell asleep, woke up later, and came right home.” The woman looks down at his shoes and says, “You lying bastard, you’ve been out playing golf again!”